Tuesday, October 22, 2013

My Confession

I did it.  I've been thinking about doing it for a few months now.  I've been talking about it for a couple of weeks.  Yesterday, I did it.  I killed him.  I tried to find a way around it, but he needed to die, so I finally manned up and did it.

Since I have been thinking about it for as long as I have, I've had time to consider all of the angles.  The method was carefully decided, the clean-up was considered, and the repercussions were taken into account.  I had it all figured out.

The clean-up wasn't as bad as I had thought.  Actually, with the amount of preparation I had done, it was a relatively easy clean up.  It only took about half an hour, and it was all taken care of.  I know there will be things to deal with later due to it, but the immediate deed has been done.  I'll deal with the fall-out when it's time.

It's not like this was my first homicide - I have offed people before.  When it started out, I wasn't directly involved in murder, per se.  I think that helped me ease into it.  My first real kill was this past summer.  It did take 3 hours of listening to Screamo in order to get in the right frame of mind, but I was able to do it.  This one seemed much easier.  Get in, get it done, get out.

I was quite pleased with how his loved ones handled it.  Of course, they were sad, but they weren't at all surprised.  They had feared it for a long time, wondering if/when it would happen, so shock wasn't a factor.  They did, true to form, cover it up.  They didn't retaliate in any way.  In fact, they made an excuse for the murder and went about their lives as if they weren't living in fear (if I were in their place, I would be!)

I'm also happy that I feel no guilt.  Actually, I'm quite pleased with myself.  This was my easiest kill yet and my most direct.  It wasn't like slicing a throat or pulling a trigger.   No blood was involved; I'm not ready for anything like that yet.  But, I was gleeful at how easy it was for me to kill someone that others loved (in the past, most of my killings were of bad people).

I'm still not man enough to actually kill a man, though.  He was only a monkey.  I think I'm working up to being able to actually kill a man on my own.  I'm almost there.  I'm excited and proud that it's getting so much easier for me.  Soon, I'll be able to off a man and not flinch when I watch his blood splatter.

I was even kind of considerate about how I did it.  I allowed his loved ones to find him and he died in their arms.  They knew it was too late to do anything to save him, so they weren't running about, stressing, and they had a chance to say goodbye before he died.

I'm not sure it was dramatic enough, though.  I mean, the point is to get my readers to cry and be angry, right?  Would it be too cheesy for his little monkey hand to fall to his side after his last breath?

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