Saturday, October 19, 2013

I Saw Him

Last night, I dreamed about him.  Well, that's not so unusual - I dream about him a lot.  Last night was different, though, because I actually saw his face.  I've never seen his face.  Do you think this means something?  I find it amusing that I can be perfectly okay with seeing a man who has no face in my dreams.  Shouldn't that clue me in to the fact that I'm asleep?

I have hope that somewhere out there, my dream man is looking for me, as I've been searching for him.  I've been working for years, trying to make myself into the kind of woman he'd want to be with.  Oddly enough, that's exactly the person I want to become.  When I finally do find him, our personalities will compliment each other in a way I have yet to experience.

In my dream, which had an ethereal golden glow to it, he found me.  When I saw him, I was instantly drawn to him.  Due to my previous horrid experience with men, I assumed that he would not be interested in me, so I didn't let my attraction to him show.  I treated him with kindness and respect, in the shy way I treat all men with whom I'll never have a romantic entanglement, never flirting or engaging him further.  Throughout the dream, I watched him from a distance, wishing beyond reason that I could have a man like that.

Toward the end of the dream, he was injured and I stepped in to tend to his wounds.  As he laid beneath me, he made a comment (don't you just hate it when dreams fade from your mind, so things become hazy and unclear?) which made me think he might be interested in me.  I responded in kind, letting him know that I found him intriguing, as well.  Shock and joy replaced the pain which had been on his face before he more plainly stated that he wants to get to know me better.  I smiled freely then, telling him that I would like that too.

There is was - that giddiness which fills us all at the start of a relationship.  The security in knowing I've found my soul mate.  The pleasure in knowing someone finds me attractive.  The hope that I might not be alone for the rest of my life.  The warmth which radiates from where he gently touches my cheek.  The electric charge he sends through me when he kisses me.  The comfort which fills me when he holds my hands snugly in his.

And then I woke up.  All of those feelings drained away, leaving me cold, lonely, and missing someone I never had.  What a horrible way to start a day!

Or, maybe it means I'll meet him today.  I will be out among people (I normally don't see many people during the course of my days).  I'll be sure my hair and make-up look extra good today, just in case.

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