Sunday, January 5, 2014


I keep asking myself why he opened the door.  He knows that after I watched "Unbreakable" I don't want him opening the door to strangers.  Sure, he's 6'1", but he's still my son and I don't even open the door to strangers after watching that movie.  Why, oh why did he open the door?

The man stood there, demanding to come in.  Of course, my son didn't let him past the threshold, but it was terrifying having this man we had never seen before making such demands on him.  I picked up the cordless phone and rushed to my son's side to give him back-up, in case anything should happen.  I dialed the 9 and the 1, my finger poised over the other 1, knowing my phone would connect the moment I hit that third button (it was set to practically dial 911 on its own).

As we stood there, trying to close the door, the man putting his body in the way so we weren't able to, another man appeared in my living room from my hallway.  Shock rendered me speechless.  In his hands, he held my purse, pulling out my wallet.  Shouldering his way past my son and I, he and his partner walked into the night, their guffaws making my blood boil.  I hit the final 1 on my phone and followed them into my yard.  Another surprise met me when I saw that my garage door was open.  Out of it, my car was backing.

Without thinking, I ran and flew until my torso was on the roof of my car.  Unable to maintain my position, I slid down so that I was lying face first on my hood, looking into my car.  Behind the wheel sat Molly Shannon.  Now, I've never really been a fan of hers, but now I really hated her!  She was stealing my car!

I heard a voice coming through the phone which was still in my hand.  "Molly Shannon is stealing my car!" I screamed into the handset.  "I know it sounds like a prank, but it's not!  Molly Shannon is stealing my car!"  It sounded so absurd, even to me, and I didn't know how to make them believe me.

Finally, my brain kicked in.  I was risking my life for a car whose Blue Book value was probably around $2,000.  I slid off my only mode of transportation and watched it drive away.  To my utter glee, about half a block down, I saw a light shining down on it from the heavens.  A helicopter was spotlighting it and the squadron of police cars blocked the road so she was trapped.  My car was returned to me and Molly Shannon and her cohorts were taken away in handcuffs.  Yay!

I awoke in the middle of the night, being yanked out of bed by my hair.  Thinking quickly, I grabbed the fork which was sitting on my nightstand.  I jabbed the tines of the fork into Molly Shannon's neck, but her skin was so tough that the utensil didn't even break her skin.  I snatched my mom's steak knife from my nightstand and with one quick stroke, I severed Molly Shannon's jugular, leaving her bleeding out in my room as I dashed toward my son's room.

On the way, I grabbed my shotgun and loaded it.  Terror gripped me when I saw that my son wasn't in his room.  I raced to the living room where I saw Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum standing there, menacing looks on their faces.  Dee had my son's back pressed against his chest, a small knife at my son's jugular.  Without thinking, I quickly dispatched Dum.  I was careful not to look at him after pulling the trigger.  My peripheral vision told me that he was down and wasn't going to get up.  I didn't need to see the aftermath.

Now, what to do with Dee?  I had to get my son safely away from him.  I put my hands in front of me, palms facing each other, fingertips down.  Slowly, I raised them so they were overlapping and parallel with the floor.  I hoped my son would understand that I wanted him to drop and sit criss-cross applesauce.

Thankfully, he understood.  Quicker than I could have imagined, he thrust his hand up between Dee's arm and his own neck and then dropped to the floor, curling himself into a small ball.  The moment he did, I pulled the trigger and watched the man's body crumple to the floor.

I quickly took my son's hand and we walked out of my house.  Clearly, it was self defense, but I would always know that I had taken three lives that night.  I would have to send a cleaning crew in after the cops had done there thing.  I didn't want to deal with... any of it.  Or, we could move.  I wondered if I could ever feel secure in that house again.

When I woke, my heartbeat was racing and I was breathing as if I'd run a marathon.  It sucks to wake from a nightmare like that at 3:00 in the morning!

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